aginghippie.emich.edu

My sister sez: "Okay...not a photo I want to share with friends. You look slightly insane."

An EMU department head: "Frightening."

An EMU emeritus dean: "OMG!"

An emeritus PT: "Oh Jesus! The thought police are gonna be after you big time."

My best man from my wedding: "I don't have to remind you to stay pretty------obviously you have never had to work at it like some."

Republican Bizarro World

(yeah, I know...redundant)

Enter here:

Movies!

I got a webcam!

shades...

eyepatch...

I was hoping to someday dub some other voices on top--Mr. T, Peewee Herman, Spongebob. Hasn't happened yet, but I remain hopeful.

My wife said, "If people know you, they know it's a joke. Otherwise, that's your brother!" And, once again, she's right.

People ask me what it is I like about motorcycling. This piece of Hunter S. Thompson prose always resonated within--

Here's an obit for Hunter S. Thompson. I proudly gave up my political virginity to George McGovern. Here's an example of why...

Science! Politics! Religion!

The truth *they* don't want known!

Holy Guacamole!

A paper I co-presented at the 1995 ACM SIGUCCS in St. Louis, MO is in the ACM archives.

Here's a link to the .pdf file (they were a little sloppy in the publication, so don't blame *me* for typos and boo-boos).

The technology has changed, but the timelessness of the human condition....

I happen to be colorblind. This site shows you what my world looks like--and has some pretty cool resources.

Muddy, hard-to-read pages that discriminate against the colorblind are the result of deliberate policy decisions to exclude the colorblind.

Notice how I didn't mention the "sick-baby-diaper/well-baby-diaper" color scheme? I am the epitome of restraint.......

US jobs that went and happily *stay* overseas.

Nifty OS X software

Here's a link to a Safari plug-in that let's you look at .pdf files in a window instead of downloading them.

Hubzilla!
The coolest FireWire hub ever. I have the first one at EMU. Too bad they're calling it--decidedly lame--FireDino.

GraphicConverter gave this a kind of neat effect.

Learn about this plant--if you DARE!

This is a picture of a mailing label used by EMU to contact me.

I kinda like this picture 'cuz it's black and white.

Read about the effects behind this.

I don't have a picture of my bike--yet. But here's what it looks like.

It's my dream machine.

Macintosh

or Windows?

My "a picture says a thousand words" collection.

What is the largest criminal organization in the world?

Racist?

Sexist?

Homophobic?

In denial about it?

There are more of you than you might think.

This is my master's program project. It's a QuickTime movie almost 90 meg in size. Lotta people liked it.

Chickenhawk n. A person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it; particularly when that enthusiasm is undimmed by personal experience with war; most emphatically when that lack of experience came in spite of ample opportunity in that person’s youth.

Learn more.......

A beginner's guide to techno-babble.

Weapon of Mass Destruction Photographed in Iraq!

Liberal media engages in massive cover-up!

Why men get paid more than women....

Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 1)

12/10/2004.

My wife comes home last night with a gift bag of The Peanut Patch peanuts given to her by her boss. She opens the sealed bag, pours 'em in a bowl, and suddenly SCREAMS!

There's a 2-inch cockroach in the peanuts! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK!

Turns out to be a fake rubber cockroach like the ones belowl.

Not sure whether to use a ruler or some of those O-so-yummy-quality-assurance-tested peanuts for scale. Maybe both.

Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 2)

I send an e-mail to the customer service department:

-----Original Message-----
Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2004 6:46 PM
To: customerservice@peanutpatch.com
Subject: An unfunny "joke"

My wife opened up a 16 oz. bag of your salted peanuts. She has received your peanuts as gifts for the past couple of years and has enjoyed them immensely.

This year, when she opened the sealed bag, she discovered a large cockroach inside. After calming her down, I discovered that it was a plastic bug instead of a real bug.

Her fright is now anger.

SIGNED: Me and my home address

PS: I'm glad she's mad at you and not me.

Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 3)

I receive an e-mail from Sandra Jarratt in the customer service department:

From: sjarratt@peanutpatch.com
Subject: RE: An unfunny "joke"
Date: December 10, 2004 10:10:27 AM EST
To: me@address.withheld
Reply-To: sjarratt@peanutpatch.com

Mr. XXXXXXX,

We are unable to locate your name in our database. Can you please provide us with your address so that we may have UPS pick up the product, the bag and the questionable object. YOu can email that information or call me at the number below.

Is this a product you purchased from us directly, in our gift shoppe in Courltand, VA or at another business that sells our products?

Once we receive back, we will forward to our Quality Assurance Research Lab and get back with you on the results.

We are sorry for any inconvenience and concern this has caused you. Please be assured that our QA will take care of this immediately once we have all information.

Ted Fries
Quality Assurance Manager
The Peanut Patch
27478 Southampton Parkway
Courtland, VA 23837
866-732-6883 ext. 310
tedf@peanutpatch.com
www.peanutpatch.com

Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 4)

I don't know what to make of this.

First off (and maybe I'm a bit sensitive), I resent the "blame the victim" tone of the e-mail.

Renes Descartes: "I think, therefore I am."

Me: "I'm not in The Peanut Patch database, therefore I must not exist."

Then they want me to send them ALL the proof we have of receiving tainted goods?

They seem to be more concerned about how exactly did these tainted peanuts get into our hands than the fact that we got tainted peanuts. Is there *really* a Courltand, VA? Is that where they sell the joke products, while the *real* stuff comes from Courtland, VA?

Now I'm supposed to send them "back"? As in "Baby got back!"? Is this some kind of strange peanut/gag cockroach term? WAY TOO MUCH INFO about someone's preferences? And they want *me* to join in on the "results"? Is this like where a cop pretends to be a 12-year-old?

WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

Is it *really* "Sandra Jaratt" like the reply-to address says? Or is it really "Ted Fries" like in the signature?

Am I assured at *all* by the quality of the e-mail? No WONDER they don't care that consumers get plastic cockroaches in their peanuts.

<-- toe-MAY-toe, toe-MAH-toe-->

Work/professional stuff	Esoterica and whut-not
Lab schedules: 508D Teaching Lab 513 Classroom/General Lab (includes COSC 101 office hours) 513 Lab Tutoring 514 Experimental Lab 520 Teaching Lab 521 Teaching Lab CS lab policies	About my dad. Patton and McAulliffe each hung a Silver Star on him.	Find out more about Operation Yellow Elephant. Get yer religion here..
Timesheets! We go electronic from now on. Download it here. Pay Rates! Doin' a whole bunch of different student jobs? Calculate yer hourly pay. Go here.	Check out my vague yet uncanny resemblance to Johnny Depp! Really! My sister sez: "Okay...not a photo I want to share with friends. You look slightly insane." An EMU department head: "Frightening." An EMU emeritus dean: "OMG!" An emeritus PT: "Oh Jesus! The thought police are gonna be after you big time." My best man from my wedding: "I don't have to remind you to stay pretty------obviously you have never had to work at it like some."	Republican Bizarro World (yeah, I know...redundant) Enter here:
Movies! I got a webcam! shades... eyepatch... I was hoping to someday dub some other voices on top--Mr. T, Peewee Herman, Spongebob. Hasn't happened yet, but I remain hopeful. My wife said, "If people know you, they know it's a joke. Otherwise, that's your brother!" And, once again, she's right.	People ask me what it is I like about motorcycling. This piece of Hunter S. Thompson prose always resonated within-- Here's an obit for Hunter S. Thompson. I proudly gave up my political virginity to George McGovern. Here's an example of why...	Science! Politics! Religion! The truth they don't want known!
Holy Guacamole! A paper I co-presented at the 1995 ACM SIGUCCS in St. Louis, MO is in the ACM archives. Here's a link to the .pdf file (they were a little sloppy in the publication, so don't blame me for typos and boo-boos). The technology has changed, but the timelessness of the human condition....	I happen to be colorblind. This site shows you what my world looks like--and has some pretty cool resources. Muddy, hard-to-read pages that discriminate against the colorblind are the result of deliberate policy decisions to exclude the colorblind. Notice how I didn't mention the "sick-baby-diaper/well-baby-diaper" color scheme? I am the epitome of restraint.......	US jobs that went and happily stay overseas.
Nifty OS X software Here's a link to a Safari plug-in that let's you look at .pdf files in a window instead of downloading them.	Hubzilla! The coolest FireWire hub ever. I have the first one at EMU. Too bad they're calling it--decidedly lame--FireDino.	GraphicConverter gave this a kind of neat effect. Learn about this plant--if you DARE!
This is a picture of a mailing label used by EMU to contact me.	I kinda like this picture 'cuz it's black and white. Read about the effects behind this.	I don't have a picture of my bike--yet. But here's what it looks like. It's my dream machine.
Macintosh or Windows? My "a picture says a thousand words" collection.	What is the largest criminal organization in the world?	Racist? Sexist? Homophobic? In denial about it? There are more of you than you might think.
This is my master's program project. It's a QuickTime movie almost 90 meg in size. Lotta people liked it.		Chickenhawk n. A person enthusiastic about war, provided someone else fights it; particularly when that enthusiasm is undimmed by personal experience with war; most emphatically when that lack of experience came in spite of ample opportunity in that person’s youth. Learn more.......
A beginner's guide to techno-babble.	Weapon of Mass Destruction Photographed in Iraq! Liberal media engages in massive cover-up!	Why men get paid more than women....
Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 1) 12/10/2004. My wife comes home last night with a gift bag of The Peanut Patch peanuts given to her by her boss. She opens the sealed bag, pours 'em in a bowl, and suddenly SCREAMS! There's a 2-inch cockroach in the peanuts! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! Turns out to be a fake rubber cockroach like the ones belowl. Not sure whether to use a ruler or some of those O-so-yummy-quality-assurance-tested peanuts for scale. Maybe both.
Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 2) I send an e-mail to the customer service department: -----Original Message----- Sent: Thursday, December 09, 2004 6:46 PM To: customerservice@peanutpatch.com Subject: An unfunny "joke" My wife opened up a 16 oz. bag of your salted peanuts. She has received your peanuts as gifts for the past couple of years and has enjoyed them immensely. This year, when she opened the sealed bag, she discovered a large cockroach inside. After calming her down, I discovered that it was a plastic bug instead of a real bug. Her fright is now anger. SIGNED: Me and my home address PS: I'm glad she's mad at you and not me.	Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 3) I receive an e-mail from Sandra Jarratt in the customer service department: From: sjarratt@peanutpatch.com Subject: RE: An unfunny "joke" Date: December 10, 2004 10:10:27 AM EST To: me@address.withheld Reply-To: sjarratt@peanutpatch.com Mr. XXXXXXX, We are unable to locate your name in our database. Can you please provide us with your address so that we may have UPS pick up the product, the bag and the questionable object. YOu can email that information or call me at the number below. Is this a product you purchased from us directly, in our gift shoppe in Courltand, VA or at another business that sells our products? Once we receive back, we will forward to our Quality Assurance Research Lab and get back with you on the results. We are sorry for any inconvenience and concern this has caused you. Please be assured that our QA will take care of this immediately once we have all information. Ted Fries Quality Assurance Manager The Peanut Patch 27478 Southampton Parkway Courtland, VA 23837 866-732-6883 ext. 310 tedf@peanutpatch.com www.peanutpatch.com	Adventures in Corporate "Responsibility"! (part 4) I don't know what to make of this. First off (and maybe I'm a bit sensitive), I resent the "blame the victim" tone of the e-mail. Renes Descartes: "I think, therefore I am." Me: "I'm not in The Peanut Patch database, therefore I must not exist." Then they want me to send them ALL the proof we have of receiving tainted goods? They seem to be more concerned about how exactly did these tainted peanuts get into our hands than the fact that we got tainted peanuts. Is there really a Courltand, VA? Is that where they sell the joke products, while the real stuff comes from Courtland, VA? Now I'm supposed to send them "back"? As in "Baby got back!"? Is this some kind of strange peanut/gag cockroach term? WAY TOO MUCH INFO about someone's preferences? And they want me to join in on the "results"? Is this like where a cop pretends to be a 12-year-old? WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? Is it really "Sandra Jaratt" like the reply-to address says? Or is it really "Ted Fries" like in the signature? Am I assured at all by the quality of the e-mail? No WONDER they don't care that consumers get plastic cockroaches in their peanuts.
	<-- toe-MAY-toe, toe-MAH-toe-->